Chicks Who Chat

Top 10 - Lessons in Love

2010-08-26T08:05:00.010-04:00

After a very brief pause in the dating with Dateable Dad, everything is going strong. My own insecurities and fears made me skittish when it came time to dip my toes into the water. But, I also know I'm not going to drown as long as I allow myself to trust.

I still have a lot of issues. I can be completely open in the physical and intimate sense, but when it comes to matters of the heart, there is a cage of barbed wire. I'm trying to approach things differently this time around, and the only way I can have a truly fulfilling relationship (in both the physical and emotional sense) is to snip away at that wire and let my heart peek out, even if it's just a little bit at a time.

I now realize that my little dog has taught me a whole lot about love:

1) I'm going to sniff you out. I may be a little standoffish at first, but give me some time. If I can trust you, I'll let you get close to me. If I can't, watch out because I may just bite you.
2) I will always give you unconditional love. It doesn't matter if you are having a good or a bad day, what you look like, if you've brushed your teeth or haven't showered in days - I will love you.
3) No matter how long or little it has been since I've seen you, I'm always eager to have you near me. I'll wag my tail and whimper just to be near you. I don't need a whole lot of your time, just some attention to know that you love me back.
4) If it's mine, I'm going to piss on my territory. I may act cool and confident, but the minute somebody oversteps the boundaries I'm going to let you know who's top dog.
5) When I can really trust you, I'll roll right over and you can rub my belly all you want. I'll be completely vulnerable to you, and that's okay because I know you won't hurt me.
6) At the end of the day, I just want you to hold me, scratch my head a bit, and let me feel you close. I need the warmth of your body to put me at ease when the world gets a little hectic.
7) I can get a little crazy and off-the-wall, but my quirks are what make you love me even more. If I was well-behaved all of the time, you might think something was wrong.
8) I can be annoying and needy, but you'll love me despite all of this. Sometimes I need reassurance when I make a mess or do something wrong. I just need to know that you'll always love me.
9) I'll be your best friend. That's all I want. Love is about finding that best friend who will never judge you, and appreciates all of you, flaws included. A best friend never feels as though you owe anything in return. It's you that I want.
10) Love me even on my worst days and I'll be forever devoted and loyal to you.

Isn't that really what we're after when it comes to love?

Who's On Top?

2010-07-10T15:55:00.013-04:00

In relationships there seems to be this ongoing struggle for dominance whether it be for control of the finances, the household decor, use of the sports car....And even for love, there seems to be this struggle for control. Musicians write of it often...John Mayer's latest cd Battle Studies is even titled to address this struggle (Chicks, I know you don't like him anymore because he kisses and tells all, but please hear me out).

As I read through many of our past posts there seems to be a common theme. We are driven to find "THE ONE" who will make us feel whole, who will bring us comfort and happiness in this world of uncertainty. That one who will make us believe we are someone special instead of just another body roaming the earth until we meet our final destination. We women often enter relationships giving all we have got to make our expectations and intentions unmistakable to the potential significant other. This is where I think we may have it all wrong.

Dr. Robert Anthony, noted self-help expert says "the one who loves the least, controls the relationship." And while a love affair should be a balanced partnership without struggles for dominance, that never seems to be the case. We all want to have our affection reciprocated and when it is not, the relationship is out of balance. It almost seems in order to get the love and affection we women want, we have to outwardly love our significant other a little less than they love us [In an extreme case, the female preying mantis has it all right, she gets what she wants and then she eats her mate:)]. While this doesn't seem right or honest or true to what a love is supposed to be, it seems that the way women express our feelings today just is not productive for producing the balanced partnership we so long for.

Oh...what is a woman to do?

Option A: Be true to our feelings and express these feelings to the one we love.

Option B: Keep those feelings close to the vest and don't show true emotion because then we will have better control of the relationship.

My heart says go with option A and my head says go with B. Your thoughts Chicks?

My Own Advice

2010-07-10T07:07:00.003-04:00

I should have followed my own advice. In looking over my post for "Now Accepting Reservations" it clearly states that I will not accept 1) Irish boys and 2) trained chefs. DD was not a trained chef, but I later learned that he spent some time working in and managing various kitchens. I think that counts. As for the Irish factor, there is no excuse for ignoring this critical detail. I am hopeless when it comes to falling for those Irish boys. I can't even tell you what it is. Well, maybe it's in the eyes. Oh, those eyes are always so captivating. Those Irish eyes. When I stare into those eyes just a second too long, I'm suddenly taken to another place and I can't turn back. I should have known.

The two weeks or so were fun, exciting, exhilarating, and just what I needed to get back into the dating scene. Of course I'm disappointed that things didn't go any further. I'd be lying if I didn't address that. But, deep down in my heart and soul I knew that it wouldn't work. He's new to the dating scene and it would be selfish of me to assume that he'd be content to be with one person after being in a relationship for twenty years. I suppose what upset me the most were the frequent texts and emails, our chemistry when we were together, plans being made to get together throughout the summer both with and without the kids, and that way he looked at me. It was almost as if he said one thing but meant another, acted one way but intended another.

This was a great way to dip my feet into the water and realize that I do want some companionship back in my life. I can't say the level that I want or need, because I'm still too nervous to trust anyone who seems too good to be true. But, I'm also willing to open my heart up just a little bit and take some risks.

But I think it's time I swear off those Irish boys, even if for just a little bit. Maybe I can find a nice Greek boy...

The Resolution is Over

2010-06-20T07:11:00.006-04:00

In the spirit of Father's Day, I think it's only necessary to give a little chick chat on the topic of ... Dateable Dad (DD).

After my last post, I took all of the wisdom of the chicks and digested it a bit. I weighed my options, continued to swoon, and even kissed a stranger. The kiss was enough to clear the cobwebs a bit. But, I was still thinking about DD.

In my "therapy session" (you know, office chick chat gossip) with my colleague, she offered the best advice - "Let him be the man and pursue you." The Aries in me is a ball of fire. If I see something I want, I'll go after it. Playing by "the rules" was never something that came naturally to me. But, I had tested my strength and myself over the last year and a half and I knew that I could be patient if it was worth it. Pre-resolution, I was tired of having a hurt heart. That same fire in my soul is very passionate and feels deeply, so I needed to know that I would be willing to open up my heart. It was time to let that caged animal out for a walk.

So, I waited patiently. I politely responded to emails. I smiled and said hello when we saw each other. I kept it very matter-of-fact. The ex was friendly with me. She told me her dating stories. Spent some girl time just chatting with me. (Later it turns out that she even mentioned to DD that I would be worth pursuing. Slightly awkward, but it comes from her being happily involved with her own relationship, and wanting the same for him...and I am a great catch! Tee hee!)

Then, there it was. An email with five possible days listed over a two week period where he was available and wanted to get together. Wow. A guy who makes plans in advance and shows his cleared calendar. We settle on a date based on my availability (only two of those days...I'm a busy chick) and a babysitter, and plans for dinner are made. That date hasn't happened yet. It's still over a week away and I'm still considering that our first date.

However, we had a spontaneous get together the other night. I guess the stars were lined up and all kids were spoken for, leaving me (and him) an opportunity to be people other than parents. Without going into all of the specifics of what we did, I'll just summarize the things that made him so special in my eyes. When he came to the door, I immediately felt butterflies in my stomach. Seriously, I felt like a teenager in l<3ve for the first time. He opened and closed my car door. My dad still does this for me and my daughters and I love being treated like a lady, despite my independence. He told me how beautiful I looked, and when he said it I could feel his eyes just penetrate my soul. He pulled my chair out when we went out. So sweet and old fashioned. We could have endless conversation. Did I mention his amazing kiss? Sigh... When I think back to what attracted me in the first place, it comes right back to the fact that he is an incredibly caring and wonderful dad. Isn't it amazing how our version of "what's attractive" changes as we grow wiser?

I'll continue to proceed with caution, more so because I'm still timid about getting hurt and I do want to make sure that our girls' friendship is first and foremost. But I'm certainly looking forward to whatever may come my way.

This chick has officially and proudly marked the end of her resolution.

My Imaginary Boyfriend(s)

2010-04-27T17:29:00.004-04:00

The resolution has been in full swing for over a year now and, I must admit, the itch to date may be creeping in. I don't think it's that I want a full-fledged boyfriend, just an imaginary one. Something safe and non-committal.

Right now I have two options:

Option one: The father of a friend of my daughter's. Currently, he is going through a divorce. I know, it seems like I'm pouncing to attack this one, but truly it's not that way. Yes, I've always thought he was attractive. But, I have maintained a very safe distance and haven't even socialized with him on more than a "Hi. How are you?" basis during encounters which involved our daughters. Now that he has been living in a separate dwelling from his soon-to-be-ex-wife and she has an in-house boyfriend, I think it's safe to say that he's (almost) dateable. In the meantime, I can have a little extra twinkle in my eyes thinking about the possibility of what (perhaps) could be. Just having that crush might be enough to get me through, knowing that maybe, just maybe, there is at least one man out there that makes me feel that way.

Option two: Gay men. Yep, I said it. Who doesn't love a gay man? I have the hugest crush on a gay man. Totally safe and completely non-committal. Totally inappropriate, and not just because he is gay and involved. He is the nicest, kindest, cutest man I have set my eyes on. I actually swoon a bit when he emails me and find that I get goofy, in that stupid giddy-girl way, around him.

The interesting part about the two men that I mentioned - both are so caring and kind when dealing with children. If you analyzed me, it would be obvious that I yearn for that father figure who is caring and nurturing. But don't most women (and I speak as a mom) fall head over heels when they see a man taking extra special care of their children? I've felt my cheeks heat up and turn red just watching a lifeguard put a bandaid on my daughter's cut knee. It's that simple nurturing act.

Of course, maybe all I need is a really good kiss. That would hold me over, at least for a little while! (But don't link the kiss with the father figure. That's just creepy.)

Resurrecting the Resolution

2010-03-26T13:57:00.011-04:00

Hello Chicks! Long time no chat! As part of my resolution resurrection, I'm going to take time to connect with my fellow chicks. Regardless of actual face-time, I am always sending good karma your way. Which leads me to my post...

January 2010 arrived. The New Year's Resolution was over...or was it? I took a year off from dating, and it certainly changed the way of my thoughts and my approach to situations.

Now that I am 1/4 of the way into the year, I have had a little bit of time to think about whether or not the resolution should be resurrected. I still feel that I need more time. I have learned so much this past year, and I don't want this precious time to pass me by. I want to embrace the here and now, to truly learn to appreciate each moment that is given to me. Rather than spend the time rushing through life, going through the motions, I want to enjoy the time that has been given to me. I see my children quickly growing before my eyes, and I don't want to lose that time. They will only be young once. I don't want to wish it away too quickly.

As I spend time being the personal chauffeur for both of my girls, I can't help but acknowledge the fact that they both have busy personal calendars. While another person in my life would naturally assist in the responsibilities, I certainly don't expect anyone to take over my role as parent. Needless to say, it would take a very special person to understand and appreciate my priorities while my children are still young. I truly believe that if someone comes into my life, he will be a complement to one that is already fulfilled.

While I would welcome the opportunity to have a "best friend" in my life (with benefits, of course -- I'm only human), I am not actively searching for that person. I am going to continue to enjoy each day that I have with my children as a gift. I will focus on the positive in situations. I will laugh at my mistakes and cry tears of joy. Right now I have everything that I need when I hold my girls close and look into their eyes.

(Of course, let's not forget the devoted affection of our little Iris. Nothing beats puppy kisses!)

The King is Dead, So What's Another Divorce?

2010-01-02T18:27:00.016-05:00

Okay Chicks, it's been way too long since we have chatted so I thought with the onset of the New Year Twenty Ten we could get back in touch.

So what's new...for me too much to talk about in one post. All I can say is whatever my world was a year ago, it has been turned upside down and inside out for better and for worse. In my heart there was deep sadness that my life last New Year's was the life I would lead forever and ever. After a few months into the year it was clear that that life had to end. A shocker to some, but pales in comparison to some of the current events of 2009...who would have thought the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, would be dead...so what's another divorce.

Anyway, it is about time to reconnect, to return to life and start over. For awhile it felt necessary to keep my failures to myself, to retreat from my family and friends, which had never been my style. It seemed as though all the things that I had done well and good in my life were to be overshadowed by the fact that I could not make my marriage work....a true failure of a dream we Chicks have had since we have been just little girls; Cinderella and Prince Charming live happily ever after, in movies maybe.

It has taken some time to realize that we humans are just that...human. We are not just defined by our failures to achieve, but by all of the acts of goodness, charity, friendship, and adversity we encounter throughout our lives. We are not and can not be perfect. Humans are multidimensional creatures who can realize one day they are on the wrong path and work to change their destiny.

So with that Chicks I wish you all a Happy and Healthy New Year and may all your dreams for the year ahead become a reality by the path you choose on this journey we call life!

Be well, laugh often and life a life with love in Twenty Ten.

One dream coming true?

2009-06-22T20:55:00.003-04:00

I fell in love with the Internet the first time I realized you can create your own website. Up until then, that was in 1998, the Internet wasn't yet prominent in every day life, and you could fairly efficiently block it out of your life. it wasn't until I met this guy who had an internet connection. He was on dial-up at the time, even though he owned a web design company. When I spent some time surfing around on his computer I got across to Geocities, and it said: "Build your own website for free". I suspected there would be a catch, but it didn't take me long to start my own website, it was entitled "Tiuti's Own Web Home". My boyfriend had nicknamed me Tiuti, it means pretty much the same as Twitter, come to think of it!

That doesn't mean I hadn't dreamed about the Internet before that. I just had no idea what it would be. I was sitting in my bedroom at the age of 15 feeling completely alone and misunderstood like most teens do probably and I was dreaming about ways I could connect to the world. I wrote a lot of letters and filed out FB's. I was dreaming to become a rock star, and if that wouldn't work, I would start an agency for musicians to find each other. Kind of a dating agency for rockers. When I remembered that years later, there already was a such a site.

Regardless, connecting to people and connecting people online has always fascinated me to no end. One of my longest standing dream is to create a dating site, the best one ever made! It has nothing to do with how much money the site could make me, but everything to do with how to better enable people to find each other and have fun doing it. For years I have been trying to harness different platforms to do what I want without luck. I couldn't pay for a coder, and I still can't. But, I finally stopped waiting and started asking around if anyone knew coders, and started posting adverts that I want to make business partners with a coder, and as it happens, I may have found one. He hasn't told me yet whether he will be in or out, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Wish me luck!

Speaking of online dating, have you ever listened to the dating advice on YouTube? How misguided most of it is! Do girls REALLY want guys to show up on a date wearing suits and sparkly Rolexes and going to great lenghts to entertain them? I mean when did jeans and a cup of coffee become so boring? When I was dating, I wasn't there to be entertained, I was there to meet a person and to see if I could live my life with him. What he wears had very little to do with it, as long as he was not completely unaware about socially acceptable apparel, what ever sub culture he might belong to. I did date a few guys in suits too, but not because they wore suits, but because I liked them. It's not really that complicated! :D

Cheers,

Sebbie

New Year's Resolutions: A mid-year evaluation

2009-06-22T13:55:00.012-04:00

For those of you who are followers of the Chicks, back in January I made a resolution to swear off dating for 2009. I followed up with a post on qualities of potential suitors. There was a brief two week period when I broke my resolution to screen an applicant, but quickly resumed the resolution. Now with a little bit more than six months in on this resolution, I have had some time to reflect on what I have learned thus far.

The first result of this resolution is that I have learned to better connect with myself. I have always viewed myself as fairly self-assured. This "break" has made me appreciate myself through my eyes rather than by the justification from another person, specifically a man. I have learned to appreciate and love my unique attributes. I also realize how important it is to acknowledge and aim to improve the negative traits.

I have realized the dynamic power of female relationships. I cherish my girlfriends with all of my heart. There are the girls that I see daily, speak to weekly, or think about often. There may be women that months or years can pass, but time fast-forwards the minute a reconnection occurs. I was lucky enough to have an old friend visit for the past five days. We didn't get stuck on the "remember whens", although we spent a sufficient time cackling about the old days, but we realized how we've grown into these absolutely fabulous women. Just last night we stayed up and chatted about the power of these female friendships. It's amazing how we take them for granted when we are young women, but as we grow older we strive to cherish them. We both noted that these lessons are something important to pass on to our young daughters.

I have certainly appreciated my children more. When in a relationship, I often found that I needed to give attention to too many people. I spent my day working with teenagers, only to come home to two young children and do it all over again. Relationship-tending was within my top five priorities, but I found that I almost resented (ouch...harsh word) having to give energy to yet another person. Now I find that I can laugh, giggle, and cuddle with my girls and there is no need to share with anyone else! When I have time for myself, I can choose how I want to spend it. I have learned to make cautious decisions. I don't give up my free time too easily. I'd rather not lose a few hours of my life on doing something I didn't really want to do.

I have discovered the reason why I would want a man in my life. My ideal mate would be my best friend. I want to have someone to enjoy life with. I am not looking for a father for my children or a financial provider. I simply want someone to complement my already fulfilled life. I'm certainly not desperate, because I'd rather be single than settle!

Of course, I can't ignore the fact that Iris (our Norwich Terrier that came home in February) has brought an incredible amount of life into our home. There is certainly nothing like the feeling of picking her up in the morning and feeling her nuzzle into the crook of my neck, hearing that morning sigh.

This has been a great journey of self-discovery and I can't wait to see how the rest of the year turns out!

Between the Stacks

2009-06-04T14:11:00.008-04:00

Ever since I was a teenager, I was intrigued by the library. Perhaps it was the smell of books, both new and old, offering a pheromone of their very own. It could have been my need for a quiet escape. Maybe it was my obsession with intellectual men and the dream of finding one there.

My very first "real" job was at the local library. I began working there during the summer before my junior year of high school. I can vividly recall my assignment. Along with shelving books, I was responsible for the tidiness of Fiction J-L and Non-Fiction 800.00 - 899.99. I look back and wonder if working on these sections helped to shape me into the person I've become. Anyone who knows Dewey realizes that poetry and theatre, two of my loves, fall into the 800's. I suppose I would slack off, even if just for a few moments, and escape into a book of poetry or a scene from a play. It was also during this job that I met my very first boyfriend. We would sneak away to the Long Island Collection, a small private room that housed books about the area, and steal a kiss or two.

I loved the library.

As an adult, my passion continues. But I find that I am most intrigued with the stereotypical images that surround the library and librarians. These myths are quickly dispelled as I am able to witness the most remarkable happenings at the library.

Who knew that a substitute librarian would be so insistent on sharing her brother's musical accomplishments? What kind of music does he compose? Ah, yes, he composes music for a trapeze artist's performance. The library is successful in luring in all types of people.

Of course there is also the therapeutic aspect of business conducted in the library. Librarians who are willing to go above and beyond their role of finding books and guiding research, but to provide a safe haven for teenagers who need a place of escape. The teens who fall between the cracks, who fear the lunchroom, find a spot to be welcomed and guided.

Perhaps one of my favorite aspects of the library would be the social aspect that goes along with it. I can get my daily dose of gossip in the library without actually looking like I'm gossiping...simply because whispering is required in the library.

I still love the library.

And of course I still hold onto that teenage dream of finding an intellectual man between the stacks!

Cougar Smoogar

2009-05-27T11:17:00.004-04:00

If I see one more TV special or magazine article about older woman hunting down younger men with the word "Cougar" in the title I am going to scream! Who decided that this was in any way interesting or flattering? Who gives a hoot if you connect with someone who is not the same age as you? Is age what dictates chemistry? I realize that similar age ranges do make for more common interests and lifestyles, however it is absolutely not worth talking about for more than 20 seconds!

I believe that people are all souls encased in a human form. Some souls happen to connect with another soul of similar age and some connect with souls of different ages. I don't think most people are consciously hunting for someone 20 years different in age. If it happens, it happens. It seems that men gravitate towards younger women which has a number of benefits. Maybe it gives them the feeling of protector and allows them to continue reproducing. These are very primitive yet strong inner drives for males in general. Women may feel that they are escaping the aging process by hooking up with a younger man but I think they are always living in fear that their man will be distracted by younger women. If age is what grabs your interest then you are pretty shallow.

Sure there are extremes, like the school teacher found her soul mate in her 13 year old student or the nearly dead millionaire who captured the heart of Anna Nicole. These are not the norm. I wish people would just see the relationship and the chemistry and stop focusing on the age difference. Isn't there anything better to sensationalize?

24/7 and Counting

2009-05-21T20:41:00.004-04:00

Anyone who read my blog "Love the One You're With" may be wondering what happened to the "guy friend" who was promoted to "boy friend" a couple of months ago. I apologize for not providing follow-up in a timely fashion. I took a leap of faith and was chastised by just about everyone who read the blog. The universal warning was that I would lose a friendship when it eventually failed, and to END IT! ASAP. Well, as luck would have it, we have been together nearly 24/7 ever since the first date. So, finally I had to share this good "guy" news with the chicks.

At the risk of sounding love drunk, we are both happier than we have ever been before! We were both very independent but as time goes on, we realize that we want nothing more than to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment together. This guy is so considerate and helpful that I find myself squealing with delight when dinner is made and the dishes are done. I take a double take when the trash is at the end of the driveway on the correct nite. I even smile in silence when the cat bowl gets filled by someone other than me. We talk for hours and laugh nonstop. I have questioned his good behavior and he assures me that he is not doing anything other than what he'd normally do. He doesn't feel the need to impress me or hide anything.

I am amazed at his easy going nature and how appreciative he is to have a woman who is honest, sincere and as he notes, "fascinating". We never expected this and most of all we didn't expect it from each other. We were pretty well acquainted before our first "date.", but we never expected that turning our friendship into a romance would be this successfull! At our first morning after, he noted, "I have never been in this situation with someone I actually liked this much!" And even now, as we transition from the hot and heavy honeymoon stage to the familiar Ozzie and Harriet stage it only gets better. We've even met The Families and there was nothing but positive reactions. No matter how mundane our day is, just spending it together brings us joy. Isn't that how is should be?

I have no explanation or words of wisdom. I am as surprised as anyone. I can only say that if you keep the faith and examine all options, you will find that the perfect guy (for you) exists. Of course, you should always proceed with caution but when the good is great and the red flags ceased to exist. Believe in your intuition. It is real.

Girls, men love us

2009-04-27T23:34:00.002-04:00

To debut on Chicks, I had a topic in mind which I thought I’d like to share with you all. Genuine Sebastyne ear bashing for everyone! ;)

When us girls talk to each other, we often are lost in the thought of catching a guy, or how to trick a guy to be with us or how to play the game of love without scaring them off, don't we? But if you go into the head of the guys for a moment, they see a very different picture ( -> ). To them, we are something to chase after, something scary and something quite unattainable. But... Let me use my field spaniel as an example, as far fetched as it sounds, regardless of the fact he's a male too.

My dog is the most loving and caring and the friendliest creature ever. He will greet everyone he meets with the same excitement and welcome; he wants to be friends with everyone... But when a dog lover kneels down to invite him over, he gets suspicious. Very suspicious. You can see him taking a few steps back and you can almost hear his thoughts: "Oh my. That one is up to no good. What does she want of me?!"

I think the mind of a man can work a bit like that too. They spend most of their time trying to figure out how to please a woman, how to find a good woman and how to eventually marry the one that holds their heart. When the tables turn and a girl is very eager to "trap" him, he too, I think, comes suspicious and starts to wonder that there's something that woman is hiding. Why on earth would she want to have a relationship with me so badly? There are tons of other better guys out there; there must be something wrong with her wanting to get the plain ol’ you.

Let’s imagine you’re a guy, trying to pick up girls at the night club. You know you’re expected to make the first move, because that’s what masculine men do. You know that there’s going to be at least a few girls who completely disprove with what you’re wearing, not to mention all the other qualities you posses or lack, which will become apparent sooner or later, because you know girls judge you, mercilessly. You wonder what to say to the girl, so you won’t make too big of a fool out of yourself right of the bat. None of the girls is checking you out, as per usual. Girls are shy to give signals, because that’s just not done. So you pick one that doesn’t scare you too much and hope for a good result. You get shut down with a roll of eyes telling you that you did something really really stupid, if only you’d know what it was! You try again. Same thing. Over and over and over, you change your approach, it doesn’t help, you just get shut down and rejected continuously. Sometimes you are in luck and hit on the right girl the right way and your efforts are rewarded. But as time goes by, you grow a thicker skin and don’t care that much anymore. You take the sales approach, if you approach enough potential buyers, one is going to take you up on your offer, right? That’s when you start hitting on all girls in a group instead of just one, and take a beating from all of them. Not too much fun anymore.

What I know about guys is this: They are eternally grateful if you make things a little bit easier on them and smile at them across the room if you like them. You can almost see the sigh of relief as they know they are not likely to be brutally shot down when they approach you. And if you give them the same relaxed atmosphere when the relationship evolves, it is a lot more likely that they will want to stay for a while longer, possibly forever. This is my live and let live approach to guys. I have never wanted to change a guy to something else, but at the same time I’ve never wanted to settle for someone I HAD TO change to be happy. To me it was never about the game but to find the right guy for me. It’s not about them against us; it’s about finding your true best friend, who is just perfect as he is, flaws and everything.

What do you think?

Welcome Sebastyne to Chicks Who Chat!

2009-04-27T23:17:00.004-04:00

Hey Chicks,
I just wanted to take a moment to introduce our newest blogger to the Chicks Who Chat. We all have read comments from Sebastyne and we are sooo excited she has joined us.

Sebastyne is a a wife, dog owner, migrant, Internet enthusiast, writer, Barbie-collector and a bridal fashion designer. She moved to Australia from Finland in April 2008. She blogs about her interests, which include, in addition to the above, human behaviour, love and relationships and childfree-stuff. Her blog is http://www.sebastyne.net/ and it has been one of my favs since I started blogging.

I think Sebastyne will fit right in with the rest of us "Chicks." We have officially become an international girl's night out!

Welcome Sebastyne!

Life Has No Safety Net...Choose Wisely!

2009-04-24T17:04:00.011-04:00

There comes a time in each of our lives when risks have to be taken, as eluded to in my last post. Some of us do this better and with more confidence than others. Reality sets in when you know that you have truly taken that leap; you start to feel a myriad of feelings and emotions, many of which are not pleasant or comforting. There are risks I have taken that leave me feeling vulnerable and....I don't do vulnerable gracefully.

Other risks we take can be invigorating with a feeling of freedom from having jumped right in without a way to turn back. The free fall is a great rush but, the real question is "once that rush is over, how will I land?"

The answer to that question depends upon the reasons for taking the risk in the first place. If we strive to better ourselves and the risks we take bring us to the next level in our existence, then the landing is usually on both feet and something of achievement will come from that plunge. However, if the risks we take are only to escape from something that we really shouldn't have been involved with in the first place, then landing on 2 feet after this type of jump proves more difficult. In this life, there is no such thing as a safety net. When we make emotional decisions with blatant disregard of the rational ones, we mess with our hearts instead of thinking with our heads.

The bottom line here is that any risks one takes in life should be done thoughtfully with an eye on the vision for the future. Thoreau once said, “people seldom hit that which they do not aim at." I suggest that any and all risks that you take be done with this in mind as the next step toward your life goals and dreams -- do this and there will be no need for a safety net.

Two Roads Diverged in the Woods....And I chose the Sandals!

2009-04-20T08:35:00.010-04:00

We all have decisions in our lives, teeny tiny ones like which shoes go best with the brown plaid pants and great giant ones like "should I marry the knight in shining armour not knowing if there is a frog under all that metal?" And no matter how hard we try to settle on one direction, there always seems to be the lingering question "do I trust my instinct and intuition enough to have the courage to make the right choice."

Many of us never have the courage to make the tough choices, and instead we settle on the course we are on never to change direction, even in the face of approaching danger and uncertainty and potential unhappiness. It is safer not to decide, and in not deciding we have made a choice (I think that is a line from a Rush song).

What it really comes down to is our ability to anticipate our future needs and desires in order to choose the best possible course in life. For example, if you know you are fiercely independent and you don't like to sit still for very long, then settling down with the love of your life may not be the right road for you to take...no matter how much love you think you have. On the other hand, if you crave stability and consistency without many surprises, then hooking up with an accountant, buying that white house with the picket fence and bearing 1.7 children may be the ultimate direction you should take. The key is knowing, understanding and loving yourself for exactly who you are and what makes you tick..... and with that, making choices that fit within those parameters.

However, if you just want to make it easy, decide to choose strappy sandals with the 3 inch wedge heel to go with those brown plaid pants. Sometimes I wish life really could be this simple. :)

Let's Skip the Booty Call and Head Straight to the Kissing

2009-04-15T13:28:00.002-04:00

An interesting thought just hit me. I was thinking about Pea M's booty call post, and it dawned on me. What if we could make kiss calls instead of booty calls?

This idea came to fruition fairly recently. While on an absolutely lovely visit with a friend, he decided to plant his lips on me. (Yes, I do believe I'm still holding true to my resolution, as this was not a date, nor was it under the guise of becoming a romantic interlude.) Don't ask who it was, because I won't tell. That's not the point. The point is that this kiss was enough to give me that head-rush feeling to make me feel alive, to stir up some stagnant juices, to intoxicate me just enough to put my body and soul in another place. The best part about it, there was no potential for the guilt of "why did I just sleep with him" because it never happened!

If I could guarantee a good solid foot-popping kiss every once in a while, I think it would be enough to recharge my batteries.

BEWARE of the Butterflies....

2009-04-10T13:14:00.009-04:00

Where did they come from and why do they have to fly away? In a new relationship, there they are, triggered by the touch of his hand, the look in his eye when he knows he has caught a glance from you, or the smile on his face when he sees you enter the room. Little wings are flapping, fluttering away in your tummy, causing intense loss of concentration and composure.

It is an awesome feeling while it lasts, but why do they have to go so soon! Is there anything that can be done to keep these butterflies around after a relationship has matured? It seems so often that this is the path a new love takes...its like nature's little trick to attract us to our potential mates. Once the mission of the butterflies has been accomplished, they just seem to move on the the next unsuspecting victim, leaving the first one reeling and wondering what the hell just happened and where did the butterflies go?

This has happened to everyone that I know, and as of yet I don't know anyone who has been able to make the butterflies stay for the life of the relationship. It is unfortunate because we all long for that "smokin' hot" love affair that will sweep us away and match us to our soul mate forever.

Excuse me Flight Attendant, I think I need a motion sickness bag....come quick! Any thoughts Chicks?

ps. Here are some funny comments from my friends at BlogCatalog http://www.blogcatalog.com/discuss/entry/do-you-still-have-butterflies

Any Suggestions?

2009-04-07T17:43:00.003-04:00

Karma here! Two more days until my school goes on vacation. Then the real "vacation" begins two days after that. My girls will be visiting with their dad for six days! Okay, I realize that I sound excited about this. Maybe too excited. Don't get me wrong. I love my children with all of my heart. I worry about their well-being when they're not with me. I frequently receive the phone calls filled with tears when their infrequent visits with their dad take place. This time I think it will be different. They will be traveling to DC to visit their grandfather. Which means 1) they will have something to "do" and 2) they will not be close enough for the "rescue". Like I said, the visits are infrequent. I can honestly say I don't remember a time when they spent an extended period of time with their father since our divorce five years ago...not to mention the separation! When you are a full time mom and work full time, whoosh, it can get a bit tiring!

Now, I'm using the time to do some "things". I need new tires, and hopefully I won't run into the tire guy from a previous post. Although, that could be a pleasant diversion. Wait, wait!! Resolution! I do have an appointment with the veterinarian. Maybe I'll throw in a massage or a pedicure. I'm also hoping for a little Chicks Who Chat outing...huh, ladies?

Here's what I'm thinking: I need some suggestions for some "things to do". I'd like to see a movie. Any recommendations? I'd like to sample some wines. Any new favorites? I'd love a drive to Woodstock or Vermont or some other suggested location.

I know I can fill my time with the things I need to do (laundry, cleaning, organizing) but I want some fun and interesting ideas. Hit me! (Not literally. I'm not into that sort of thing!)

It's Just a Word. Right? Wrong.

2009-04-05T07:26:00.007-04:00

I haven't written a blog entry in quite some time. There are the typical excuses: too busy, writer's block. The truth of the matter is that I've had something to write about, but I was frustrated with the tone of the topic. My blog posts tend to be humorous in nature. This one, however, is not. If you're looking for the typical Karma humor, then don't read this post. Skip it. You're not going to find it here. If you're ready to read about my frustration, then continue on.

Several weeks ago while I was on one of my supervisory duties at work (the glamorous job of "allowing" people to enter the high school by "buzzing" them in at the front door) I witnessed a teenage student harass another student. I turned to the student who was sitting with me and asked her to explain what had happened. This particular student sat with me during her lunch period because she hated going to lunch. I was never able to get any "work" done during this span of time, but it didn't matter. This girl needed someone to talk to, and if I was that person, then that was enough for me to believe I was doing my job. She explained the harassment she had been facing, the words that these girls were using, and the things that they were doing to her. This had been going on for years. She told me all of this through sobs. My heart ached as I listened to her.

The following day in my classroom another student proceeded to say a word intentionally directed to this girl. The word is not important. It was said in such a way that an innocent bystander would not know anything was going on. Very sneaky. But because of the previous day, I knew it was deliberate. It was meant to sting, to hurt, to break this girl down yet one more time.

I found myself in the midst of writing discipline referrals, handling the appropriate consequences, and dealing with harassment myself. Would you believe that these teenage girls thought they could intimidate me with looks, threats, and gossip? It's true. What made me so sad was the fact that I was a grown woman dealing with this, but how could a teenage girl put up with this on a daily basis? This is a girl scared to go to lunch, frightened to walk down hallways, gradually shutting down. I thought of my own young daughters. I thought of the pain her parents must feel knowing their daughter dreads going to school on a daily basis. Nobody, I repeat nobody, should feel this way.

I started to read Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher after my father, a social worker at a high school on Long Island, recommended it to me. I honestly wanted to finish reading the book before I wrote this post, but I'm halfway through and my head is bursting with thoughts. It is a great book. Obviously it's related to my post. I won't say anything more and let you be the judge should you read it on your own.

I've learned a lot dealing with this situation. If there is one lesson we can all pass on, it's about the power of words. Never underestimate their power. Never.

Love the One You're With

2009-04-03T11:25:00.003-04:00

In today's economy (just had to start the conversation out that way,) should chicks keep searching through a universe of strangers to find their perfect mate or should we try to promote from within? When you meet someone new, you have to bring them up to speed on your entire life so they know where you're coming from. Then you have to send them to orientation so they know your personal mission... and things like: which side of the bed you prefer, whether you like diamonds or yard tools for gifts and most importantly, what turns you on in the bedroom. Once they've gotten that far, they are on probation until their first review. Then when you give them feedback, they either love you enough to make you happy or head for the door. Training can be a real time thief!

When taking stock of the men in your life, you may notice that you have lots of "guy friends." You know... the guys who have know you for years; the ones who put up with you being late for the movie and don't care if your forgot to put on your make-up. After all this, they are STILL your friend. They know you, they like you and they clearly can put up with your goofy quirks. Shouldn't you give them more responsibility?

Sometimes all it takes is one night at your favorite spot, some intimate conversation and a few drinks. Before you know it, you are seeing him in a totally different light (It's called "Last Call!") You suddenly find that maybe you shouldn't just be friends. You trust each other, you care about each other, and hopefully, you will still be friends after the reorganization.

I think it's called, "When Harry Met Sally."

Thanks Chicks!

2009-03-30T19:55:00.003-04:00

Thanks to all of you chicks who wished me a happy birthday. I would like to go on record that I do not smoke and that was NOT a photo of me. As I enter my 43rd year I believe more than ever that no year (that you have made it out of in one piece) can be considered "up in smoke"!
This year more so because of all of you Chicks Who Chat! What more can an old bat like me ask for? Here's to living the GOOD LIFE!

Another Year Up In Smoke...Happy Birthday Guinness Girl!

2009-03-26T18:48:00.005-04:00

Maybe she's not always politically correct, but she does it with style, grace and of course a Marlboro in one hand and a Guinness in another. She's a cougar...always after the young guys, but at her age, they are all younger!

And so now let us raise our glasses to our friend who needs reading glasses and send a very Happy Birthday toast to our friend who talks the most (and the loudest)...and that is the end of this roast!

Happy Birthday Karma!

2009-03-21T17:18:00.008-04:00

Karma,
Just a post to wish you a very Happy Birthday. From all of us "Chicks Who Chat!" May you have a great year ahead, may you stick to your resolutions and may you always have a glass of wine within arm's reach!

Booty call

2009-03-13T14:17:00.002-04:00

I just had to share this one with the chicks!!

Remember Soul Mate? Remember how wonderful he was and then suddenly he wanted me to commit to him 24/7? Well, after he hung up on me 3 times, I called it quits. Then he asked for the diamond necklace back that he gave me for Valentine's Day. The pricey one the three zeros. No problem! I gave it back without any exchange of words or eye contact. I don't hear from him for 2 weeks then last nite at 10:30pm....

HE DRUNK TEXTED ME A BOOTY CALL!

I just had to share. I laughed so hard I'm sure you all heard me. It said, "Booty call. Wanna?"

I responded, no thanks! Thank God I had the strength to think clearly. I know he wouldn't be able to separate his emotions from the casual sex. He'd be latched on in no time....and then I'd have to return yet another expensive gift! What would we do without stories like this?

Calling It Quits

2009-03-05T20:59:00.004-05:00

After over a year of going back and forth...I decided it was time to "throw in the towel"on my 5 year relationship this evening. Of course, a few hours later, I am having second thoughts. For everything that is wrong with us, he has been by my side since I was 17. While my romantic feelings for him have dwindled, we have a strong connection that I do not share with anyone else. He knows me better than I know myself, and knew as soon as I walked in the door today that something was wrong.

My gut tells me ending things is the right move, but I'm not prepared to watch him carry his things out of our apartment and become a stranger. He wanted to marry me, and the thought of marriage started to scare me. He is not anywhere close to being "marriage material" for me...because I am content with the direction of my life, and he has a questionable future. For all his faults, he tried hard and would do anything for me, but for whatever reason-it's never been enough. Not that I think I am the most fabulous thing on the planet, because I am far from perfect. I just want someone who fits a little better in my life. He has come between almost every friend I have had, and my parents and sister never approved. For 5 years everyone has told me I can do better...and I guess I finally started to listen. I feel overwhelmed with guilt for making him so feel so awful, but I have come to realize that we are no longer right for each other.

So ladies, I'm sure you've all most likely been in a similar situation. What's the best remedy for a heavy heart? And how can I stick to my decision when things get ugly?

Birth a word

2009-03-04T17:10:00.004-05:00

Fearless asked me to share this with the group:

I often use the internet to look up words that I don't know. I usually seem to land in the Urban Dictionary. If you are not familiar with it, it is a site full of street slang. It is quite hysterical and an excellent resource if you want to sound hip. If you use a word that isn't there, you can add it and become a dictionary author. Vote on definitions by clicking on the thumbs up icon. If your word gets lots of votes, you get to be the word of the day. See the link in our sidebar.

With all this great writing about our love lives, we are creating some interesting phrases that should be shared with everyone. See how many votes you can get.

Here are some that I was particularly fond of:

Laundry Limbo: Washing a clean piece of laundry simply because you don't feel like taking it out of the hamper and putting it away.

Snow Hysteria: The insanity that occurs when a snowstorm is in the forecast and everyone leaves work early creating traffic jams. The hysteria usually spills into the markets creating empty shelves and check out frenzy. Usually, the hysteria is disproportionate to the size of the storm.

Whiskey Dick: The inability of a guy to perform in a situation where it would be nearly impossible not to just because he drank too much.

Whiskey Bagel: The woman's version of Whiskey Dick resulting in severe dryness.

Barsexual: The condition where a woman intentionally becomes more open to kissing another woman in a bar or club especially when the audience is comprised of men holding free drinks.

And you know who you are!

Accepting Reservations for January 2010!

2009-02-28T09:27:00.013-05:00

For those of you who have been following this blog, you've been aware of my New Year's Resolution. I declared what seemed to be a brilliant idea--no dates for one year, then I broke it. After all, isn't that what we do? Then, through experience, I realized that there was a reason why I should have stayed true to the resolution. Now that I'm back on track, here's to a year of screening applicants for January 2010 reservations! (A simple disclaimer: Most of these qualities are from personal experience, but I also polled some of my chicks for their requirements. As always, please take this in jest. We're here to laugh, right? Chicks, feel free to comment on your own haves and have nots!)

If you meet the following criteria, please do not apply:

You are heinously unattractive. I am certainly not model material, but there needs to be some chemistry. Just stating the facts.
You are a pretty boy. Tanning, bodybuilding, and waxing for aesthetic pleasure are unacceptable hobbies. Some manscaping, however, will be considered.
You are a trained chef. There have been enough cooks, and that soup has been spoiled.
You are lacking stable employment, and the longest duration of employment existed during your senior year of high school as the dj at the local roller skating rink.
The tone of your voice most frequently resembles that of a whine.
You think your so-called problems are obstacles that will keep you in bed for days.
You are Irish. While I tend to be hopelessly attracted to these men, all of my heartaches have been linked to the deadly combination of Irish and Greek, which clearly are a toxic combination.
You are easily intimidated by a strong personality, a passion for laughter, and an appreciation for toys.

We encourage applicants who meet the following qualifications:

Those who are wealthy and elderly will meet strong consideration.
You are over your mother and your exes.
You must love dogs, and be willing to indulge my potential for becoming that crazy-dog-lady due to the newest acquisition.
You enjoy taking care of yourself, can tie your own shoes, make your own bed, put the toilet seat down, and find your way around the kitchen.
You must be able to start a fire in many senses of the word.
You can make me laugh and will laugh at life with me.
You embrace the necessity for cleaning toilets and hairclogs out of the bath drain.
Superficially speaking, your hair must be shorter than mine.
You must be willing to be subject to a dilly dink screening, conducted by a third party, which will take beauty and size into consideration.
Your hands, nails, toenails, and ears (sans hair) must be clean.
You can appreciate the concept that feminists can be feminine.

Someone Loves Us Chicks! Even If Our Dates Don't!

2009-02-27T16:47:00.018-05:00

I don't normally do chain correspondences but...all bets are off when it comes to blogging....

Chicks, I am proud to announce that we have received the "Love Ya" Award from fellow blogger Faith from a Quarter Life's Crisis. It's always such an honor when you are recognized for your efforts. Thank you, Faith and I hope you continue to enjoy our blog!

Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more chicks around the world want to chat on. Please give more attention to these fellow blogger chicks!

This Time, This Space
Identity Check
W-Women Globally
Oh! Eliza
A Groovy Kind of Life
My Dear Hard Drive
The Screaming Me-Me

A View from the Other Side

This list is not in any particular order...all of these blogs are "chickilicious!"

Now it's your turn...Deliver this award to eight bloggers who can choose eight more and include your version of this text into the body of their award.

Hit Me With Your Best Line

2009-02-26T18:29:00.004-05:00

Well, Pea M, I join you in the realization that soulmate has turned sour. Yes, chicks, I will admit that I was dumped this very evening. How do I feel about this? Slightly disappointed. Will I survive? Absolutely!
I suppose what frustrates me so much about this particular person was the fact that HE was the one who demonstrated all sorts of acts of devotion. I am usually hesitant, and take things slowly, allowing men to initiate the "emotional" aspect of relationships. We started dating prior to Valentine's Day, and he showered me with a sweet letter and card, a romantic movie, and several other tokens of affection which clearly showed that he knew some of my interests. It was all very sweet. I, on the other hand, dread that holiday so I didn't make a big deal of it. Our children interacted and hit it off. He expressed how much he liked being a part of my big Greek loud family. I was dipping my toes, and perhaps my ankles, into the water.
Then suddenly, the dynamics started to change. I was no longer receiving the sweet text messages. The emails were seldom. Our conversations started to become infrequent, with the tone becoming polite, but nothing more. I knew something was going on.
I don't have the energy at this point in my life to put in a lot of effort into the honeymoon period of a relationship. This is the point when things are supposed to be fun and light, and when I realized that the dynamics were changing, I immediately felt the need to withdraw. Then tonight, in a phone conversation, it began with the following lines:
"I know I've been kind of distant lately. I think you're great and beautiful..." (and I just knew the big BUT was lingering) "...but I just don't think I am ready for this." Well, thank you for coming on so strong. (Note the sarcasm.) I made a point to remark on this fact, listened to his squirmy explanations, and wished him well.
I started to think of some of the great break up lines, both given and received. I chuckled when I realized that most of them are not original material. Is it that we are so lacking for decent ways to break up, or is it that the reasons are typically the same? Chicks, what are some of the lines you've heard or delivered?
Finally, it looks as though this Resolution of 2009 is back in action. Is it too late?
Pea M, I'm taking this as a sign that the Capital District is not ready to let two lovely ladies such as ourselves become out of commission. Watch out! We're coming!

His Hang Ups are my hangup.

2009-02-25T17:46:00.006-05:00

Soulmate and I have been seeing each other for 5 weeks. 3 of them were great. Then it started. He wanted more of a commitment. He wanted to experience me full time not part time. He displayed very uptight behavior. It seemed that we were having a lover's spat every time we saw each other. Each one was followed by a call the next day full of apologies and excuses. I calmly said that I wasn't interested in working this hard during the newlywed phase of a relationship. Even though we had a lot in common and he is extremely romantic, it was clear that we were not a good match. His desperation to be in love was strangling me. I told him to relax. He said he needed to know where I stood right now and with him it had to be "black or white!"

He HUNG up on me the last 3 times we spoke. That is so rude and immature that I can't even fake forgiveness. We haven't spoken in a few days but I anticipate another call of apologies. Sorry, a hang up is unacceptable.

Karma, I hate to share a negative love story when you are exploring a new relationship , but this is not what I expected. As disappointed as I am, I found myself checking out this other guy on Sunday! That is much healthier than sulking.

All the advice I rec'd was very helpful. Some of your predictions were right on the money. He was controlling, inflexible and moved too fast. I'll keep all that in mind and next time, I'll have a new requirement. NO HANG UPS!

Fine Tuning

2009-02-18T08:48:00.004-05:00

To those who have been following my "Do I Take The Plunge" blog: I took the plunge, I loved the water and I continue to swim! Soulmate and I have had some great times in the past month. He is really attentive, thoughtful and romantic. We have tons in common and enjoy each other's company. He's not jealous (men hit on me a lot, and it doesn't bother him) and he gives me my space as requested.

As we get to know each other better, and our little quirks come to the surface, how much of this is normal not worth commenting on? I think all men need tweaking. However, after having so many unsuccessful relationships, I find myself scrutinizing. I wish I didn't because OBVIOUSLY no two people are exactly the same, however, I wonder if a small habit that kinda seems odd will develop into something that bothers the hell out of me down the road.

For example. I like to go out for a few drinks. I don't over drink. I don't like being out of control. Not drinking with my partner would be disappointing to me. He likes a few drinks too, but I have found on 2 occasions that when he does, he does things that seem odd to me. Like he doesn't listen to me. He tells me what I need to do (like eat something substantial when I say that I need a snack before bed) and doesn't listen to me when I say I don't want to eat a big meal. He insists that he know what is best for me. I am too independent for that. I think he got it.

Last week a girl came up to him when we were together in a bar (He wasn't standing next to me at the time). She asked him if he was alone, and what his situation was. He thought I set him up and was trying to trap him if he took the bait. I was shocked! I told him that she was just hitting on him as all people do in bars. Nothing more. Afterwards he totally agreed with me, but the fact that he had a few drinks in him made him suspicious. It's only fair that he's allowed to be protective too, right?

This bothered me and I told him so. Am I being too critical? Are there certain growing pains that are normal at the beginning of a relationship? We have discussed this at length and at this point I am far from throwing in the towel but I don't have the strength to put in a lot of effort fixing a guy even though I know that men usually need to be trained a little.

How do I know if a guy needs major repairs or just fine tuning?

Broken Resolutions

2009-02-09T10:04:00.005-05:00

I caved. It happened when I wasn't expecting it. I broke my "No Dating in 2009" New Year's Resolution. Pea M, it looks like I'm joining you on the quest for dating advice!
Let me go back to this past Saturday evening. I went to the movies to see He's Just Not That Into You with a couple of my girlfriends. We painfully watched the dating sagas, obviously identifying with many of the situations. I left the movie quite happy with my no dating rule. I made a mental note of the days left until my puppy's arrival, and smiled at the idea of the new recipient of my affection. I had found a comfortable emotional spot, and I felt fantastic.
I curled up in bed to watch SNL, and then I decided to grab my laptop and respond to some emails.
There it was.
A friend request. (Yep, you guessed it. Facebook.) I didn't recognize the name, but there was an additional message. I read the message, and then all of the pieces started to fit together. A woman I work with decided to set me up with her son (I had absolutely no idea this was happening) and facebook was the avenue. She's a great woman, so I figured if he had half of the personality that she has, then we'd at the very least have a relatively decent time. (Ironically, I recently heard about the surprisingly high success rate of arranged marriages. Does mother really know best?) I went in with no expectations and I was pleasantly surprised.
Pea M, I'm going to test the water, toes first, and see what happens. I'm going to take some of the advice from your comments. I'll try to appreciate the positive and learn from the "other" experiences. I guess it happens when you least expect it.
Well, at least my resolution lasted over a month!

The Curse of Zeus...Our Search for a Soulmate

2009-02-01T09:00:00.032-05:00

There as been a lot of "chick chatter" lately on the precise meaning of a soulmate given PeaM's recent post regarding her potential love interest. Well Valentine's Day is on the way, so I thought we would explore the deeper meaning behind soulmates: the definition, the belief in soulmates and ultimately the quest to find one's soulmate.

Soulmate as defined by Wikipedia:
"Soulmate is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity,love, intimact, sexuality, spirituality and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations.

One theory of soulmates, presented by Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, is that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them."

This defintion being said, is the meaning of a soulmate now clear? Does one's soulmate have to be a romantic love interest? Or could that soulmate just be the closest of close friends, the one who can anticipate your every move and thought and love you for exactly who you are? If the theory works the way the Greek God Zeus intended, we are to spend our whole life looking for our other half, waiting, wondering and always questioning...remember, the will of Zeus was a condemnation not a reward! This is an interesting theory to explore as it sounds all too familiar.

I fear the intention of Zeus may have been to give us that unachievable longing for oneness with another person; the perfect match. We search and search to determine who that soulmate may be; never being quite at peace that we have at last found the one. Was it my high school sweetheart? Was it the man who exchanged glances with me on a ferry from France to London when I studied there in college? Was it the lead singer of a band who I was with for years in what we both thought was a doomed relationship? Was it the older man who ultimately married someone his own age?

Perhaps my soulmate is my husband. We do fit the profile Zeus had in mind when he cursed us with the concept of a soulmate (A split of the human in half with each half being the exact opposite of the other.) We have some similar interests, but mostly opposite interests, our temperaments are opposite (I am an extrovert, he is an introvert), he is a Pisces and I am a Leo....need I say more.

We as humans are left with the constant dilemma of always questioning "have I found my soulmate," is this one "THE ONE?" Some of us are sure that we know, but more of us are not so sure. If the Zeus theory is true, we may never be sure that we have found our soulmate.

So Chicks....when all else fails and you still are not sure if you have found him, never fear the Dead Celebrity Soulmate quiz is here!!! http://www.biography.com/home_page/dead_celebrity_soulmate.jsp

Take it, have some laughs, post your soulmate in our comments box and have a very, very Happy Valentine's Day Chicks, you deserve it, soulmate or no soulmate!

Ps. Just so you know... my dead celebrity soulmate was King Henry VIII...I'd better not lose my head in this relationship!

Best Chick Flicks

2009-01-28T12:27:00.014-05:00

Today I posted a question about the best Chick Flicks ever to fellow bloggers on BlogCatalog. We love romance and excitement but what are the reasons we truly love these films?

In case you Chicks need some good movies this weekend, here they are:

Steel Magnolias

The Notebook

10 Ways to Lose a Man

Casino Royal

10 Things I Hate About You

Sex and the City

My Best Friend's Wedding

4 Weddings and a Funeral

Notting Hill

Calendar Girls

Pride and Prejudice

A Room with a View

Gone with the Wind

Little Women

Breakfast at Tiffany's

The Piano

Sleepless in Seattle

You've Got Mail

The Way We Were

An Affair to Remember

Keep checking back for more great "Chick Flicks" under our comments section.

http://www.blogcatalog.com/discuss/entry/whats-your-favorite-chick-flick

Do I take the plunge?

2009-01-21T09:46:00.003-05:00

I have about 1 ounce of strength to devote to a new relationship. I have been beat up and spit out one too many times and the thought of diving into the pool of romance again just seems exhausting. I seem to attract freaks and liars and people with serious issues. I tried the bad boys, the professionals, the artists, the school teachers even the corporate execs. I have had no luck and the same problems exist across the board.

Still, I have hope. Hope that there is a normal person out there that will share my lift without making me crazy or draining me of all my patience. I still watch love stories believing that it is possible. The older I get, the less independent I become. I really want a permanent play date. An honest, sincere, exciting person who will enhance my life and occasionally pick up the heavy end of the couch so I can vacuum underneath it. I don't think that is too much to ask.

So I just met someone who seems really nice and shares an incredible amount of common interests. He was married for a long time and is now single. He is not from around here originally, but seems to know a lot about the area. I think that he is an honest person who is hardworking and has no criminal record. I have only met him once, but the chemistry was there. He was totally enchanted by me and called me his "soulmate" within a few hours. I wonder if he is just a serious romantic. I was very reserved. We parted ways after what was a very surrealistic (and magical) few hours. I wish I wasn't so timid but with my track record, I don't want to dive in without testing the water.

So, my question is, should I jump? Isn't life all about taking the leap of faith? Can it be any worse than what I've already been through? Please advise.

New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-10T18:36:00.012-05:00

Each year the majority of us try to come up with some sort of New Year's Resolution. We tend to start off strong, and then inevitably our motivation and desire dwindles. It is a cycle that we often find ourselves in.

The start of 2009 greeted me with the necessity to make the usual resolutions. This year I would exercise more, lose weight, and prepare more healthy foods and snacks for my family. I'd also (try) to keep my glass or two of wine for the weekends. I'd make work related goals for myself and be more patient with my children. I can honestly say that I've made a valiant effort towards everything except for the wine...but I've limited that to every-other-day.

However, the most important resolution I made for 2009 is this: I have sworn off dating for the entire year. That's right. This is the year that my focus will be on my family and friends. I chose to make this my primary resolution for several reasons: 1) I am slightly tired of the heartbreak. Just when you think you're with a guy that connects with you on a level unlike anyone else, something goes wrong. 2) If I were to begin dating anyone, I highly doubt that I could trust him on a level that he deserves. That would just be too unfair. 3) I need time to just focus on myself, my kids, my family, and friends. They have given me so much, it's time I give back to them.

My friends don't believe that I will stick to this resolution. We'll see. I'm feeling fairly confident.

Of course, come March my little baby will be arriving. I'm sure she'll keep me busy, and I'll be much happier cleaning up her poop than dealing with some guy's! (That's right, my baby Iris Aphrodite the Norwich Terrier will be coming home in March.)

This is going to be the best year ever.

To Friend or not to Friend...That is the Question

2009-01-03T09:54:00.009-05:00

Initially, I thought it was cool to experiment with the social networking site "Facebook." I work in marketing and it has always been important to me to keep up on potential marketing technology. I thought it was even more fun when a friend of mine from high school added me as his friend. I hadn't seen or heard from him in years and we exchanged a few e-mails to catch up. This trend continued, a few friends from work found me and then some relatives from across the country also became my friend. I even heard from my college roommate from Puerto Rico. I had lost touch with her and always wondered what happened to her. We also now exchange e-mails with the hopes of keeping in touch.

At the same time however, distant acquaintances from high school added me as their friend and not knowing any better I accepted their request. They did this without even sending a personalized "hi, how have you been?" They still have not sent a single personal message to me. I see now that they are only on a quest to regain the popularity that they once had in high school. I think their objective must be to gain as many Facebook friends as possible in an attempt to make themselves more attractive, interesting, captain of the forty-something football team, who knows. I don't care why, but now I have the dilemma....do I de-friend them and risk being ridiculed by that same high school crowd I left behind 20 years ago? Or do open my Facebook account each time and remind myself why I am so glad that I am not in Kansas anymore? Any thoughts Chicks?

First Dates

2008-12-28T16:13:00.004-05:00

My 9 year old daughter was just picked up for her first "date". Of course she'd be completely furious with me if she knew I referred to it as a "date".

This particular young man is one of her classmates. She has spoken about him on several occasions, but in her eyes he's nothing more than a friend. (She has a crush on the "bad boy" in her class, which I'm trying to dissuade. Don't we all like the bad boy at some point in our lives?) However, this boy has it bad for my daughter. I recently met him at her birthday party, and was lucky enough to have a conversation with his mom. Apparently he speaks quite fondly of my little girl, claiming, "She's funny, and sweet, and pretty, and on top of all that she's really smart." Absolutely charming. He had an evening planned. Dinner first then a drive through the Capital Holiday Lights in the Park. (His mom would be driving, of course, but with directions not to speak to them while driving through the park!) This young man even asked permission to take her on this "date" when he met me at the birthday party.

Punctually, the doorbell rings. There at my front door is a sweet young man asking if my daughter is ready. He is holding his cap in his hand. This is not just any baseball cap, but a handsome little man cap. His mother is waiting in the car. My daughter comes to the door, towering over him by at least half a foot, grabs her coat and goes.

I wave and smile with many thoughts racing through my head. My first thought is that I hope this sweet young man always stays a gentleman. When is it that men lose their manners and beep when they get to the house? What happened to the old fashioned charm of taking off a hat and greeting a lady? When do they lose the sense of punctuality and show up when they feel like it?

My daughter knows that she can't have a boyfriend until she's at least sixteen. Partly because I know far too well what heartache feels like and I want to shelter her for as long as possible. But, this moment was so sweet and innocent. I wish it can be preserved for as long as possible.

My second thought is that this is just the beginning.

Holiday Traditions

2008-12-11T20:25:00.007-05:00

Ah, yes, the holiday traditions. Every year I think about the possibility of starting a new one with my daughters. Perhaps a slight spin on something old, but making it something of our own.

We could make a tradition of choosing and decorating our tree. Each year we go to the local nursery. Usually it's cold and we're all tired from a long day of school and work. I rush to find the smallest tree possible...one that is small enough to handle with one hand, that I can strap on top of my little Civic, then drag through my house, and then beg one of my girls to assist as I put it in the stand. After my hands and arms are tainted with scratches and sap, I bring out the vacuum to suck up all of those random needles. Then there's the stringing of the lights. That's just the beginning. No, filled with too much annoyance.

We could make a tradition of making cookies. Flour all over the kitchen. Sprinkles stuck to our bare feet. Cookies burning because mommy drank too much wine and forgot that there's something in the oven. That's just epic failure written all over it.

Perhaps we could think about Christmas carols. Stroll through the neighborhood, singing our hearts out with glee. I don't know about you, but there's not a heck of a lot of glee flowing through these veins when I can't feel my fingers or my toes.

Yes, the most wonderful of all holiday traditions hit me just the other day as we were driving to school. I recalled this house most "tastefully" (I use the term loosely) decorated for the holidays. I secretly and anxiously awaited the moment when the decorations would be up for the 2008 holiday season. Each day following Thanksgiving I drove by, hoping that maybe, just maybe, the house would be adorned with a light display that puts the Griswolds to shame. Suddenly, as the car hugged the bend and we turned the corner in the wee hours of the morning before the sun was actually up, there before my very eyes was the most miraculous light display. It struck me at that very moment. I rolled down my window and shouted. And hooted. And screamed. I had found the glory of Christmas.

My two daughters in the backseat thought that I was delirious. It only took a moment before they rolled down their windows and started to mimic me.

In the evening, after school, we did the same.

Yes, we found our holiday tradition. Something that we could call our own. We would cheer on the most tackiest light displays that we found. Beeping the car horn. Shouting our praise.

If you're lucky, you might hear these cheers outside your home. You never know.

Put Away the Claws....

2008-12-05T17:02:00.014-05:00

It has always amazed me that us chicks often have our claws drawn toward one another instead of using our strengths and compassion in synergistic way to improve the world for our gender...for that matter both genders.

I just can't understand where this starts? I know it starts young. My daughter experienced it first hand last year in second grade. As a new student at a private independent school, she entered the class with great expectations. She was one of only 6 girls, so one would expect she would have been greeted with open arms. To our dismay, she was not embraced by the other girls, instead they treated her new status as a weakness and exploited it to their advantage. Take for instance the lunch room...my daughter was on the meal plan and she brought her lunch to the table to eat. She was told by one of her female classmates that "if she wanted to play with the girls on the playground, she should hand over her dessert." What's up with that? Welcome to private school! We are now attending public school where we don't have to pay to be treated like that by other girls. By the way, the boys were very kind to her at this said school.

Flash forward 20 years and we enter the workplace where we should expect to be mentored by women who have established themselves and built their reputation in a "man's world." In many cases life is not much different than that lunch table my daughter sat at in school. We do not embrace our gender, we often see other women as a threat and we do not elevate each other. Again, what's up with that! By the way, the boys in the workplace are also very kind to us, but we will leave their motives for another post.

As women we must recognize that our girls need positive role models. Women who are compassionate and accepting toward other women even if those women are prettier, smarter and seemingly have it together better than we do. If our girls see us behaving in such a fashion toward each other, it is very possible that they will emulate that behavior and they will pay forward the goodwill toward womankind.

So, next time you turn to judge, criticize or badmouth someone of our sex based upon some caddy circumstance, think twice and instead just tell her "you like her shoes."

I guarantee you will have a friend for life.

"May I crave a boon?"

2008-12-04T10:00:00.003-05:00

That's what I found written in the subject line of an e-mail.

This particular e-mail was from my ex-fiance, who could also hold the title of ex-boyfriend on two different occasions, all over the span of about 15 years. (That's a story for another time!)

The content of the e-mail: He was requesting that I write a letter of recommendation on his behalf. Really? For a job? What kind of professional experience did I have with him that I could be a judge of his work qualities? Oh no, that wasn't it at all! He was requesting that I write a note on his character for the woman that he began to date, who is "a single mom, much like yourself" and that perhaps some kind words would set her mind at ease. Really?

I can't make this stuff up.

Tell me, what would you have done?

To Purge or Plead the 5th?

2008-12-02T12:11:00.004-05:00

I have a BIG question. Is it a good idea to tell your partner the identity of a previous partner?

Say you and Mr. Current Lover are out together on a date or picking up some milk at the market and you bump into Mr. X. Lover. Would you introduce them and make small talk and just say he's an old friend? Would you offer a brief synopsis of your history with him? If Mr. Current asks point blank do you fess up? I never know what to do in this situation. You feel guilty for the truth and you feel guilty for the secret. It's a no win! The jealousy level of Mr. Current is a direct factor in the decision, but shouldn't honesty be first and foremost?

Related concerns:

What if you discover that Mr. Current and Mr. X are friends?

The more years you exist, the more Mr. X's there are. Is there a ratio between age and # of X's that is socially acceptable? Or is a slut by any other name.....

Should you have an "I'm with you now and that's all that matters." speech ready?

Snow Tires

2008-11-28T15:19:00.007-05:00

Who would think that putting on my snow tires could cause such anxiety? It's not the actual act of going to the tire place to get the darn things mounted, but more so the mounting that took place when I had them taken off last spring.

An innocent trip to said location back in March, and apparently an obnoxiously loud conversation I was having on my cell phone with a friend - and that was all he needed to ease his way in. (Mind you, I don't make a habit of being a loud cell phone talker, but I suppose this conversation was just that exciting.) After all, he used the word "presumptuous" in his pick up. How could I resist? Coffee at Borders -- that's innocent enough. Somehow I was wooed into the intellectual encounter, as he spoke of books and his philosophy on life. Did I mention how nicely this guy cleaned up outside of the tire joint? Yes, I was finding him particularly yummy.

I don't need to go into any details. That's not my style. I did give him a name. Monty. I also realized that we all need a Monty at some point in our lives. I don't regret this encounter, but the potential of running into him at my (I was frequenting that place long before he started working there) tire place, well that was slightly uncomfortable.

I made it through my hour wait without an encounter. Mental note: flirtatious encounters need to remain at just that. Anything else could make your usual place of business slightly, uh, uncomfortable. So, until the spring (or my re-torquing) I should be okay!

The Husband Library

2008-11-22T11:13:00.011-05:00

If only selecting a husband could be as easy and as flexible as taking out a book from the library. Now of course my husband is a great guy, but if someone told me that I would never have a home cooked meal from him...not ever, okay maybe scrambled eggs and toast, I think I would have given it more thought. Those of you who know me also know that I am not a pro in the kitchen, so you can imagine that our food life is challenged.

Back to the library, it occurs to me that if selecting a mate could be like a going the library, we would all be better off. For example, I could use some shelves put up so I head to the husband library and a take out a carpenter husband.. .it is as easy as presenting your card at the circulation desk, take the husband home and BAM, your shelves are installed. No henpecking, whining, trading favors or having to deal with unreliable contractors (who, by the way often want to trade favors with us chicks or have undisclosed criminal records).

Imagine that this could also be done when you want a gourmet meal; take out the chef husband. An oil change; take out the mechanic husband. How about someone cuddle with at a chick flick. Just go to the husband library and get out a sensitive soul who is in touch with his feminine side, check him out, take him to the chick flick and return him later that day for the "Smokin' Hot, Great in the Sack Husband", need I say more!

Well it doesn't hurt to dream...Later Chicks!

Chinese Christmas

2008-11-13T13:44:00.003-05:00

So, my daughter and I did a little shopping the other day and, of course, picked up a few Christmas gifts. Why not - we were in T.J. Maxx which to me is almost as heavenly as Marshall's (even though I hate shopping). Among the gifts, I found this adorable ceramic bucket with a chain and wood handle. It has a cute snowman on it with his back against the opening in the bucket with his head coming above the opening. It's large enough so that I can fill it with votive candles or candy or whatever - a nice little gift, I thought. When we came home, we spread my shopping finds out on the dining room table to look at them. I was pleased with the result of my shopping (Did I tell you I hate shopping and most often do it online?). My daughter, smirking, says to me, "hey mom, did you see that this snowman thingy has writing on the side of it? And did you see what it says?" No, I reply and walk over to take a look. OMG! The stupid little bucket has "Merry Christ" written on it several times in pale gold lettering. Oh, shit, I guess I can't give that as a gift. Of course I look on the bottom and see that it is made in - you guessed it - China! As I looked more closely, I saw that in one spot it says "Merry Christm". What the hell? Even so, it is adorable and I wonder if I can palm it off on someone who can't see well. Apparently, that would be me. I guess I have yet another snowman tchotchkie (spelling?) for my holiday decorating. Damn those Chinese!

I Had a Dream...

2008-11-03T20:35:00.005-05:00

Can anyone tell me why I have the following 2 recurring dreams?
Dream #1: All of my teeth fall out. Sometimes they just fall right out, sometimes they crumble and fall out and sometimes they even grow back. What the hell? I once read in a dream book that it means I have a fear of death. Not sure that's right. I'm pretty much in tune with my feelings and fear of death is not one of them. For myself, anyway. I think when your time is up, it's up.
Dream #2: I am sitting in a final exam in college and I've never been to the class - NEVER! My own interpretation of this is that I do not feel prepared for something. Pretty simple, I think, but would love feedback on this.
What do dreams really mean? Are they our subconscious way of dealing with stress? Yes. However, if this is true, explain this dream that I had the other night: I was standing in line at the PC cafeteria and I had a mouse in my underwear and it was biting me on the ass. Says a lot about the PC cafeteria, huh? This dream I cannot explain. Have at it, peeps!

Back It Up bartending

2008-11-02T11:32:00.006-05:00

Last night as I was bartending, a nurse (she was wearing scrubs in a bar) was playing pool for about 4 hours. Mostly alone, then finally recruited some competition. I was turning up the volume on the juke box BEHIND THE BAR. Did I make it clear that I was BEHIND THE BAR? Suddenly, I feel her warm body up against my backside and her arms around my waist. She whispers in my ear, "There is no toilet paper in the ladies room." I firmly exclaim, "Get out of behind the bar!" Then she presses closer, "And the water is really hot." Well, in most bars, this conversation might make me hot, but I'm not into chicks. So I say louder, "PLEASE get out of behind the bar!!!" She again whispers in my ear, "But there's no toilet paper in the ladies room." Then the owner flies over the bar at her and just about wrestles her to the ground. He escorts her back out to "customer territory" without any resistance.

Was the toilet paper situation so confidential that she needed to whisper it in my ear from BEHIND my butt, BEHIND the bar? Was the water so hot that she needed medical attention? I was perplexed! Of course, all the guys (read: animals) all enjoyed the lesbian show but I need to ask: What the hell is wrong with people?

Why the hell do we need a blog.....

2008-10-30T13:16:00.000-04:00

Because I said so. We can blog about exciting people, places and things that we read about in the tabloids, gain lots of followers and then companies like Pantene, Suave, Tampax or Trojan will be calling us up to buy rights to advertise on our blog....at which point we can really pay for our trip to London that we keep saying we can't afford.

Really though....I told you I'd set us up a blog where we can talk about whatever suits us. This idea comes directly from our e-mail correspondence which I happen to think is often hilarious, but then again you have always said my humor leaves a lot to be desired. So is it now that I invite you to participate in blogging with me as I can't afford anymore girl-time out in Saratoga.

H-